Not so much The End

There's a book that I continuously want to read, but I had to return it to the library.  The pages are damaged as it's been mistreated many times.  The librarians put a hard cover on it to protect the inside pages, but that makes it much harder to find the novel that's inside.  For almost a year, I've only had to the chance to read the first couple of chapters before a librarian tells me to return it.  Now with it's hard cover, I can't seem to find it and hides between all of the other books.  This time, it's been misplaced and I'll never be able to read past what I've already read.  The story never really finishes and I'm left painfully guessing what would have happened if I had finished the story.  It will take time to forget about it and move on to another story, but as of now I'll have to continue roaming the library restless and hopeless.

First is the worst, second is the WORST

It seems, I've lost all ability to do anything without getting caught up in a moment of the past.  I can't think without that same person interrupting, but it's the interruption that I don't ever want to go away.  Sadly, it will and all I will have are the memories that I continue to wish to remain today.  I don't know what to do or how to get over someone I continue to love.  I've tried everything and I've failed once again.  I'm not sure why I'm just anyone to him.  I don't know why I love him when I've known that he's never felt anything for me.  Where is the affection that he showed me the first few weeks I met him?  I find him more than perfect in every single way and I want him more than anything.  Perhaps, I'm not being practical, but what's practical in this crazy world anyway?  I write and write and think about things and I can't stop it from entering my head.  I want to be more to him.  I just don't know what else to say.  I want to be his and him be mine.  I see this happen to people all around me, but he just doesn't care. I'm in my apartment moping around and he's probably moving on with someone else.       If only...I loved you before, I love you today, and well, what more can I say when you don't care what I have to say.  They are just words to you.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I love you. I love you. I love you. I am head over heels.  Love is madness.  Hopefully this will be my last sad/lost love blog.

Indifferent

There was a point in time when all I wanted was your commitment.
Now, all I want is what I had put behind you.
I'm on a drive to a new place.
The destination isn't yet on a map.
You are still there, but not like before.
You are with me for the times I still miss.
But my expectations of you aren't more than a goodbye kiss.

I am too inspired by Snow Patrol.  I'm not sure if it's because I went to their concert or because I am mesmerized by Gary Lightbody's voice.  So I'm sure I will look back and read my stupid blogs about love and blame Snow Patrol.  So to continue my blog of love (haha that sounds kind of funny):

All I ever wanted was to share what I've been given,
To be forever loved in your eyes,
My hand in yours and a dream based only on reality.
I could give you my life and strive to make everyday like the last,
It doesn't matter what happened in the past,
because you are who you are with that past
and it's perfect.
You and your heart are all I want.
Give me that and I will give you my all.
I pray and pray that one day life will guide you back to me.
I ask for a sign whether to leave you behind or wait,
It seems impossible for the first,
but it seems that I may have to fight my fear and leave you behind.


Ok, hopefully that will be my last.  I highly doubt it, but it's kind of making me sick to see all these lovey dovey stuff. 

The road finally stopped with the twists and turns.  Turns out, I might be Latin Works material.  Billions of resumes and cover letters sent out, 4 interviews, and 1 anticipated phone call.  It's actually working out for me.  If I can work and work and only focus on work, I can get where I want to be.  May not sound like much to someone, but I'm where I want to be.  Sometimes it doesn't feel deserved, but it all happens for a reason.  I wish everyone else luck in the cruel capitalistic world.  Hell, I wish myself luck.  Nothing is set in stone.  Not tomorrow, not the job we hold today, or the one we hold in our hearts.  It's a life of mystery. 

If I could, I would erase every memory of you.
I am not waving a white flag or ignoring what happened,
but I've lost too much time because of you.
This one moment, I over think it
and suddenly I'm free.
No matter how many memories you've given me,
I won't hold onto them anymore.
There's light at the end of the tunnel.
I am stronger and know that I am more.
I knew from the beginning what to expect.
It was my ignorance.
Goodbye and move on.
All of a sudden I am my own.
I am me, I see me without you.

This Isn't Everything You Are