I am too inspired by Snow Patrol.  I'm not sure if it's because I went to their concert or because I am mesmerized by Gary Lightbody's voice.  So I'm sure I will look back and read my stupid blogs about love and blame Snow Patrol.  So to continue my blog of love (haha that sounds kind of funny):

All I ever wanted was to share what I've been given,
To be forever loved in your eyes,
My hand in yours and a dream based only on reality.
I could give you my life and strive to make everyday like the last,
It doesn't matter what happened in the past,
because you are who you are with that past
and it's perfect.
You and your heart are all I want.
Give me that and I will give you my all.
I pray and pray that one day life will guide you back to me.
I ask for a sign whether to leave you behind or wait,
It seems impossible for the first,
but it seems that I may have to fight my fear and leave you behind.


Ok, hopefully that will be my last.  I highly doubt it, but it's kind of making me sick to see all these lovey dovey stuff. 

The road finally stopped with the twists and turns.  Turns out, I might be Latin Works material.  Billions of resumes and cover letters sent out, 4 interviews, and 1 anticipated phone call.  It's actually working out for me.  If I can work and work and only focus on work, I can get where I want to be.  May not sound like much to someone, but I'm where I want to be.  Sometimes it doesn't feel deserved, but it all happens for a reason.  I wish everyone else luck in the cruel capitalistic world.  Hell, I wish myself luck.  Nothing is set in stone.  Not tomorrow, not the job we hold today, or the one we hold in our hearts.  It's a life of mystery. 

If I could, I would erase every memory of you.
I am not waving a white flag or ignoring what happened,
but I've lost too much time because of you.
This one moment, I over think it
and suddenly I'm free.
No matter how many memories you've given me,
I won't hold onto them anymore.
There's light at the end of the tunnel.
I am stronger and know that I am more.
I knew from the beginning what to expect.
It was my ignorance.
Goodbye and move on.
All of a sudden I am my own.
I am me, I see me without you.

This Isn't Everything You Are

I believed in something that was not.
I gave everything I had.
I loved and cared.
It's all part of the past.
But my heart is being held captive.
I try to make it right.
I thought it wouldn't take me long.
It's all wrong.
That was the last time.
The last reason to make things right.
The first kiss and the first time is gone.
The connection broken.
I had everything I wanted.
I see you face in the shadows that I can't ignore.
You speak and make it better.
But never is it better.
Never do I get what I want.
It's all gone.
Everything I wanted is out of sight.
I can pray and wish, but the final scene happened.
I can only remember the first kiss and the first time.
I lost everything.
The final words and the final sentence, done.
I can't let this go on forever.
I don't know what to do.
The memories haunt me.
I need a savior from them.
Where do I start again when my heart has no ending.
Please allow me to let you go.

One song after another the past makes itself present. 
Replays after replays I wish and pray you were still here.
Thinking about how it used to be.
Trying to feel what I used to feel.
My heart beating against yours.
Our voices soft in the dark.
It's all I want.
Just you.
Just be mine.
Open your eyes and look into mine.
 Know that during this time you're all I want.
It's all I want.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Just say yes.

Snow Patrol

I'm not one to use such vulgarity, but this concert was fucking brilliant.  It was better than I anticipated and the greatest part was when Gary Lightbody waived at me.  I don't think I'll ever forget this amazing day.  I just wish he would've played my favorite song, You Could be Happy.  I would have just died if he played it.  

These guys have so much talent and I think I may be in love haha.  Very charming person Gary is.  Thank you for a truly wonderful concert.  I will definitely attend another if I ever get the chance to. 

Eyes on you like hawks, we stare and watch every movement from each breath you take to the opening of your eyes throughout the day.  The break of day comes and one by one people disappear to leave you with your one and only love.  She cares, eats, sleeps, and repeats the cycle every day for you.  Prayers are always on the way, calling the angels to create a shield from the evil that is always lurking.  Sleep, rest, and let your worries leave you like leaf does during winter.  Close your eyes and dream so that you can walk again, smile again, and speak again.  Faith is on our side always and dreams are everything, but impossible.   

Prayer after prayer, you help me deal with everything.  I’m not sure I’m ready for the many tests you have in store for me.  I beg no, but must understand.  Just give me the time to revisit the person that I once doubted.  I can’t have another taken away without one last word.  Give my family the strength as we struggle through the tough times.  I pray that he have strength, forgiveness, love, and a full recovery.  Sometimes people are blinded by the past and they forget to love always.  I understand the test, please don’t give it to me now.       

Today is just one of those days you just say, "Ah, What the hell..."

You crash like the waves of a tsunami in the back of my mind, the roaring tides and the strong gusts of wind remind me of the feelings left from the unfinished business, and let’s not forget like the sea of dead fish left after the matter is the way I have become to you. The marks left on me from the lashing whips of water have been torturous and now my eyes are dry of any tears that may be lurking behind any old memories. Inspired once by your independent thinking and determination, I was swallowed in by Moby Dick like Pinocchio. Now Moby Dick is the only whale I’m not looking for. I will let the waves pass and the ocean calm while I continue sailing the sea into unknown territory.

I find it peculiar that people of America are talking more about the iPhone 5 rather than the fact that a US ambassador was killed or that Iran is producing nuclear weapons.  I wonder where the US will stand in a few years because it seems that less and less people each year are concerned with issues happening around the world.  Honestly, technology is great, but what happens when we forget about the facts of life?  I feel people are remaining children longer than they should in areas where they need to act like adults.  Where's the future if there aren't many thinking about it?

Beyond the distance the of the imaginary place in a young writer's head lies a place where old memories haunt the mind and soul.  The lines pause and a new start is not the beginning but rather a piece of the original.  The lines pause, break, and live as the people read in between the lines and catch a glimpse of what the writer is feeling.  Line after line like people awaiting to enter a concert of a knockoff Mozart.  Interesting and somewhat beautiful as the waves of sound vibrate through our tunnels of invitation.  What is invited is understood or rather thought to be understood, but never understood at all.  They are words and vibrations that belong to the beholder not to the invitees.   

A Name, a Paper, and an Open Road

First glimpse of this life and you think it’s long.

Three years later you’re looking into your final year. 
Exciting?

Somewhat, but not as exciting as it was on the first day.

It’s a relief, as well as, intimidation.

4 years of work put on a paper,

That’s it?

No guarantee of success?

Maybe I’m just being pessimistic

Or maybe I’m being truthful.

Let the Drummer Kick that

I really like the beat of this song for some reason.

Professor Neal Burns

Today was pretty neat.  I had lunch with one of my advertising professors, Neal Burns,  and some of my colleagues.  It was nice to talk to people about what's to become of our futures and how we are all feeling the same way, nervous.  It was also cool to hear about Professor Burn's history and how he ended up working in an advertising agency.  The story was very surprising and an eye opener for sure.  He came from a family who wanted him to become a doctor, but he wanted to be a surgeon.  He goes to college, tries drugs, loses his scholarship, fails out of school, does research for the blind, his research becomes famous for awhile, gets a job with NASA, becomes head of the marketing department for NASA, goes to work at some advertising agency, is asked to become the main guy of the agency, he quits, goes back to school, and now has a PhD., teaches, and is still working with clients of his own.  How amazing is that?

A Dream Come True

3 years into school and I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to, starting what will be my future, my company.  It’s nothing huge yet, but it’s a big step for me.  I started and now there’s only one way to go, forward.  I’m going to be the advertising consultant and the creator for locally owned restaurants and small businesses.  As of now, I’m working with one restaurant by creating a new bar menu, a Facebook Page, a blog, new shirts, effective promotions, and events for community involvement.  I am so excited to see where all of this will end up at.  I hope to become very successful and to become very involved with many charities.  All I can say is that ideas won’t lead you anywhere unless you get out of the lazy state and act on it.  I’m ready to work hard and I’m definitely ready to continue this new journey.  I remember when I was younger I was always coming up with ideas to start a company.  It started with a leaf raking group, a twig seller for fireplaces, and a Mother’s Day Card seller.  The funny thing is that I actually made money and was successful until my parents found out what I was doing.  Anyway, I guess I’m trying to say that this is something I’ve always wanted to do and now I’m doing it. 

He is Perfection

I am officially hooked on Pretty Little Liars because of this handsome man.  Meli if you are reading this, you can have your Keegan Allen and I'll keep Ian Harding haha.  This man is perfection.  I now think it's time for me to go to a pub and order a cheeseburger while Happiness by the Fray is playing.  Oh and did I mention, the hottie is sitting 3 feet away from me?

Maroon

It’s a color,

It’s the color of your tux,

It’s a boy,

I’ll show you how to put it together

Not Colunga?

It’s after work

The fish jumped

Big bears

One lie at a time

Something in the water

Would you…?

218 miles

Days in, daze out

Lost

The panic room

It’s almost time for class

E.C.

The end

Grow apart

It's platonic

Brother from another mother (hehe)

Han Leido

My attempt at B-26.

Questions after questions

Hours after hours passing by like minutes

It’s a boy

He’s a difficult puzzle

Almost like a chess game

It’s Monday

Play after play

A shock with every touch

Benched and watching big bellies

3 dates in one week

My perfect puzzle piece

Moon day and night

The independents rides on a rocket

Oversized Knots Coming in

Distraction

No, I’m sorry

Love is blind.

Friends?

Check mate

End of the chess game?

Pretty Little Liars

Thanks to my friend, Meli, I am hooked on a new television show.  After watching so many episodes, I feel compelled to post the secret code/poem on my blog.

 B-26

It’s a number.
It’s a song.
It’s a girl.

Smooth.
Pearl joy packed.
Gold falafel,
As through ice.

It’s four-thirty.
Morning with
Phone calls.
It’s deaf mute.

It’s cheap.
A foreign car.
Maybe bingo.
Lucky night?
Something says
It smells bad.

Ostrich, remove your head from that hole.

No more chicken soup for any soul.
This blog is starting to shed tears as I look at it.
Let's bottle it up and throw it into the sea.
Good riddance.

A Preoccupied Mind

Play the piano, only one song for I only know one.

Start an old habit of knitting.

Go out and eat with friends.

Talk to one on the phone.

Watch an old show.

Knit another row of what seems to be an unending blanket.

Read a few pages of my book.

Do a little homework.

Not hungry.

Replay my one song.

Play some music.

Take a nap.

Lie awake in the living room with the natural light peering in.

It gets dark outside, close the blinds.

Write a stupid blog.

Reminisce.

Sleep.

Nope, it’s a no go.

No sleep, no food.

The clock ticks, the mind wanders, and my body suffers.

J.C.

Embarrassed to talk to my parents about, I told you.
Train rides to New York and a trip abroad to Italy every day after school.
Close my eyes and cut the mushrooms and don’t forget a smashed finger too.
Fatty and Chiquita, great friends forever.
Remember the Sprinker? “Iiii neeeedddd a runnnnnneerrrrrrr!”
or how about crooked lip stripper? Haha, this poem is so informal.
 My buddy, I miss you.

I remember going on the cooks’ line when you weren’t looking and surprising you with this guy.

It was simple, but hilarious to us.

For me at work, you were such a plus.

Although, I only picture you through a letter now,

You’re the friend that’s better than ever.

You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol

A Parting

Those moments are remembered, but gone forever.

It haunts us at night and keeps us awake.

We follow the path of ghosts,

Waiting and hoping for what used to be.

Denial is not a path leading to the future.

This time the mountain is too high,

It’s not the time to give up but the time to let go.

Farewell to something that was never meant to last.

One of My Favorite Movies

Desired in Absence

The wind is so gentle,

Its breeze is a relief and comes on its own

Yet we take advantage of it.

It isn’t until its absence on a hot day that we realize we desire it.

Amazing

Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, and George Lucas

Enough said.



The Bird

The bird spreads his wings and can go wherever he pleases, but
trained by himself, he makes the same journey as before.
He never looks back and is completely focused on his destination.
He passes the view of the flowers that sit on tope of the hill an dthe oceans that crash against the rocks.
Occasionally he stops for a rest only to spend it alone.
His feathers more beautiful than a peacocks and desired by many,
They remain unshared an dseen only from a distance.
Because of his way to avoid everything along his path,
He will never be hurt by the hunter and will make it to his destination,
Untouched and alone.

Lost Control

One hour and thirty minutes that I have been sitting in this same café and I feel like writing.  I’m not sure, but as of now I am falling asleep, but at the same time I am being very productive with my work.  Maybe I’m sleepy because of the fact that I am exhausted.  I believe I have lost all ability to close my eyes and sleep.  Something so simple and wanted by my body, but I don’t allow myself.  If only I had a switch to remove all thoughts from my head to sleep peacefully.  Anyway, I am not making any sense and I need to get back to work so I can feel accomplished at something. 

A Time to Ponder

I’m trying to do work, but I’m always in another place than where I am.  Of course, not physically.  I was just thinking about the very few people I can actually call friends.  I find it kind of funny that most of my friends are older and not just by a few years, but by many years.  I think it’s because I enjoy their stories and experiences.  They love to talk if they have someone that listens.  I always hope that one day when I reach an age of seniority, that I meet someone like myself, someone young and interested in my life experiences.  I also hope that I can become like my old friends who have so many interesting stories.  I want my mental book to be just as large as theirs.  Anyway that is just one of my thoughts as I sit here in this retro looking library. 

Scarred and Healed

The clouds become greyer as the shadow disappears into the black hole of the universe.  It is not a case of Alzheimer’s disease, but the constant silent tick of time embedded into the hard drive of the body that creates the distance between one point and another.  The time it takes for the Earth to completely rotate 360 degrees on its axis seems to become longer and suddenly nothing is as satisfying as it once was.  Winter days last twelve months and the leaves never reappear on the trees.  It is not until the realization of self-independence that the two points no longer connect and the time of darkness was just the time to mend our other missing half together again.  Once again whole and ready to walk through the clouds to see the light, a new path is taken and we walk it alone for it is a life of one and not two.     

No Purpose

Another blog? The reason I write, I think to myself, is such a great question.  There is no purpose.  It helps no one, it only expresses how I’m feeling at the moment, and is only visible to me.  I own a blog and have no right.  I can’t write, I am nowhere near the greatest authors of all time.  They would laugh at my ignorance and falsity of creating art.  Why not just keep a diary?  Why continue this useless crap?  Is it an excuse to stay in the comfort of my home?  I’m not sure, but I do enjoy it.  An odd observance?  I think so.

Change...

So looking back on what I used to do before I was so dependent on another person, I realized I haven’t been performing up to my full potential.  I’ve been focusing on the wrong things in life right now and I need to be more selfish and my work ethics need to go back to what they used to be.  I’ve become lazy and have been excusing myself from all my mistakes.  A long run/walk can really make me think and I’m glad someone suggested that to me.  Sometimes I believe life is complicated, but really, I have a family who loves me, I am getting a great education, I have more than what I need, and the opportunities I have are unlimited.  I’m spoiled, just as all the others around me.  We walk around with our heads down, feeling sorry for ourselves when really we have nothing to be sorry about.  We aren’t children roaming the streets for scraps of food.  We need to be helping others.  I’m not sure what I really want to do when I get out of school, but I’m not sure it has anything to do with advertising and if it does, it will be with a non-profit.  I think I’m ready to become a person that a stranger who lacks the opportunities that I have to depend on me.  Isn’t that the purpose of life? Helping others?  We can’t take our money with us when we die so why try so hard for those luxuries?  I’m not totally against all luxuries, I’m just simply saying we don’t need all of them.  I think it’s a time to give. 

Un tiempo

Estoy  perdido en tiempo, en el tiempo que a veces dura la noche.  El tiempo no importa los sentidos de mi.  Estoy esperando por un tiempo que puedo dormir durante la noche.  Un tiempo cuando todas las personas estan allegres.  Un tiempo cuando el mundo mira mas grande que el universo. Voy a tomar un tiempo para cerrar mis ojos para tener un sueno del mundo que esta en mi cabeza. 

Already Faded

I started this journey by picking one spot on the map.

It started off fun with interesting history along the road,

Stories and memories shared as it continued,

But now all it offers is confusion, exhaustion, and misguidance.

I’m still on the journey, but the road offers no scenery and no more more adventures.

The interest is gone and

The road I initially wanted to travel and the road I’m currently on are no longer the same.

Nothing is shared anymore and the one spot on the map continues to fade as I have already faded to it.

Always in My Heart

I remember as a child how you would visit us in Texas.  You always made me laugh and told me stories about my Tia Mine and my grandpa.  Oh you and my grandpa would always argue over which channel to keep the television on.  It always made me laugh and I can still remember your distinct voice calling Tia Mine “Minerva” to calm down her brother.  I also remember you walking me to the corner store to buy me any and all the candy I wanted.  I always looked forward for our walks together, but secretly, crossing that dangerous street that separated us from the corner store always scared me because you walked slowly. You were the only person that would actually walk instead of drive. 

I remember being so amazed by the fact that you had webbed toes.  I still laugh at the memory of you trying to scare me with your toes and me actually wanting to touch them.  I just now realized that you probably never had toe socks. 

The first time I visited Pennsylvania was for Thanksgiving when I was in about first or second grade.  I had an amazing time, especially at the place that made fake snow.  You found us a sled that you had in your shed and watched my sister and I go down small slopes.  You were a remarkable man, always making sure I was having fun. 

The second time I went to visit, I went alone my senior year of high school.  I enjoyed spending time with you and Tia Mine.  Although, not being able to do as much as you were able to long ago, you still took me for drive around Waynesburg and us three enjoyed some great Hardee’s burgers.  I still remember which table we sat in and one day in spirit you can sit with me again. 

I’m sorry I missed your call and forgot to call back.  This is the second regret of my life and I hope another like this won’t happen again.  I still have your voicemail and listen to it, just to hear your voice.  You said you wanted me to visit again and believe it or not I was planning on it for next month.  I had already told my parents and was going to stay for a few weeks.  I missed being up there with you and Tia Mine.  I enjoyed the company and enjoyed the simple things in life.  It always felt like home there and I will miss that. I will also miss your random calls to just talk to me. I will especially miss the call on the birthday we both shared.   If I could turn back time to pick up my phone, I would in a second.  Uncle Kelce, I love you very much and I think of you constantly.  I’m so sorry for the missed call.  I will call you tonight and every night through a prayer.  I know you’ll be listening. 

We love you so much!

A Message..

One important call missed,

One voicemail heard,

One call back that I didn’t make,

5 minutes of what would’ve been the last,

Gone forever.

Something I promised to myself that wouldn’t happen again,

Happened again.

Two times to learn from my mistakes?

Why not the first?

I can only now imagine the words,

But never can I say I heard them.

Only a voicemail, but never a call back.

What If?

(9th grade)

It's night time, but
why am I still awake?
Am I dreaming or
is it the noise from the hall?
I hear it coming closer and c-l-o-s-e-r and c--l--o--s--e--r
It STOPS...dead silence
now I see a shadow of a human
and I hear it again
coming into my room
I see that it's a man, a robber.
There's something in his hand.
I don't know what it is, but it's shiny.
He's walking towards me,
and I don't know what to do.
I get up and try to run,
but he holds me back
and now I am stuck.
I finally see what is in his hand.
It's a knife full of blood
Blood that comes from not that up above
He takes one more step
and strikes at me.
I feel a sharp sense of pain near my heart
I'm shocked for a minute
and I fall to the ground
This man wants me dead,
but I don't know why.
He strike me once more,
but this time I'm out.
He disappears as I close my eyes.
My life was taken
but I still don't know why
People take things as if there is another tomorrow,
but what if ther is no tomorrow?

Decisions

A poem I made back when I was in 9th grade.

Your life is long.
Long like the road that never ends.
Ends either good or bad.
Bad when you make wrong decisions.
Decisions that can change your path.
Paths that lie in the dark.
Darkness that later fills your heart.
Heart that has no fate.
Fate that has gone away.
Away from you, it will go.
Go in the wrong path and you will pay.
Pay a death in a big disgrace.
Disgrace that will stay.
Stay for eternity.
Eternity that will separate.
Separate the good from the bad.

Years that Surround Us

Thousands of old and new books lie in the shelves around me.

Some have been around for two decades and others a whole century plus more.

Not all are read.  Some are just dust collectors written by authors that fade away as time evolves.

The pages are ripped and yellow with a smell of death.

Untouched for years and in the shadows of the other books.

The previous owner is either dead or ancient.

The book holds more history than a man who fought at Pearl Harbor.

Through the hands of many and scanned by many eyes. 

History is in front of us, in the books, in the shadows, awaiting us to come by.

Warning

R.F.

The days will come when you will cease to know,
The heart will cease to tell you; sadder yet,
Tho you say o'er and o'er that what once you knew,
You will forget, you will forget.

There is no memory for what is true,
The heart once silent.  May you well regret,
Cry out upon it, that you have known all
But to forget, but to forget.

Blame no one but yourself for this, lost soul!
I feared it would be so that day we met
Long since, and you were changed.  And I said then,
He will forget, he will forget.

With the help of a friend....

(Although, silly, cheesy and different in so many ways, I did post this combined work as proof of our friendship.  Thanks J.)

It starts as a seed,

So new and so fragile

With water and sunlight it sprouts through the dark dirt into the polluted air,

Trouble comes as a solid block of cement covers the one small space forced to the seed.

Although solid and strong, the time and the stress of the earth allow the seed to grow through the concrete.

A refreshing breath of air is taken and it’s time to breathe for a continuance of something strong.

That is the persistence of a great friendship.

Suspension of Consciousness

One sound, the sound of rain tapping on the window is the only sound entering the room on this gloomy day.

It makes a body shrivel up into a sea of blankets and a school of pillows. 

The pair of eyes is starting to swell as the sleep is fought off by an army of straining body muscles.

Sleep is victorious and it’s off to another world for the sleeper.

The dream catcher is taking a break and allowing the imagination to roam the brain and travel from place to place until all of the senses are involved in a movie that only the sleeper can experience.

A few hours pass and the sleeper is awake. 

The sleeper begins with a refreshing yawn and a bodily stretch to begin another day.    

A Remote Mind

The night comes to an end.

Only darkness is to fill up the room.

My mind in a foreign place as I lay in bed.

Wandering around in the past and following people who are like ghosts in the present.

The should’ves, the would’ves, and the regret that stain our memory like a drop of red wine on white,

Chain us down from proceeding to the present.

We now weigh heavier than a ships anchor and we are stuck in the foreign place.

When shall we return home?

When will I ever be at my place?.......

X=X

Plagiarism is the root of human interaction.

Replicated actions by one person from another.

The logic so simple and happens naturally.

Monkey see, monkey do.

X=X

We are all an X in this map of the world,

But who is the treasure?

Is it I who can see this or is another person thinking as I am?

Are we all the same by nature?

The Formation of Something More

It’s like the wind. Invisible, but impactful.

It’s like the Universe.  Endless and interesting. 

The ripples that come from the droplets that hit the water that comes from the rain that come from above, is a parody of the formation of the feelings I have for you. 

It’s powerful and impossible to explain with one word.   

It may just be love to one person, but it’s what we make of it. 

It can be as invigorating as we desire it to be.  

Life Defined by Moments

Look back on time, what do you see? 

A man in his 90s will tell stories of war, of love, and of becoming a man.

A woman in her 90s will tell stores of travels, love, and about her family.

None of which mention materialistic things that have seemed to consume our souls in today’s society. 

Is it money that now defines the human race?

Has social media caused us to earn respect by showing images of what money can buy?

Why doesn’t anyone believe in earning respect through personal pleasure and hard work? 

Is anyone really happy anymore?  Has the primary definition of happiness changed throughout the years?

If we are happy then why must we show the world images of something fake, something bought, or something only to be recognized by the brand?

Let us reestablish our lives by being true to ourselves and others. 

Let us now tell stories of our lives defined by moments and not by product consumption.

Simply Being a Child

Today I was just thinking about the past.  I remembered my grandma who passed away nearly seven years ago.  I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was still in grade school some year under 3rd grade.  I remember going to Mexico and I was sitting outside wither her on the porch.  We were just sitting and watching the outside.  I loved to just sit with her.  Well this one particular time, these kids came into the yard and saw me.  They asked if I wanted to play.  My grandma pushed me to go play with these kids.  Me not knowing very much Spanish, I was very nervous.  But also being a child, I did want to play.  We went out into the streets and we started to play a game.  To this day, I still do not know what game we played because I couldn't understand them.  I just know it was some form of tag.  I had so much fun with those kids and I felt so free being able to play in the street without any adult supervision.  It was the first time I'd ever felt like that.  I had played numerous times at my house in Texas, but it didn't feel the same.  I'm not sure why, but I remember that feeling.  Anyways, we played for hours until the sun went down.  When we stopped playing, they got in a group and called me over.  I saw them take out some colorful things.  They were plastic fruits like the above picture that I posted. One of the girls gave me one and I opened it.  What a great surprise!  Flavored sugar inside.  I ate it, said goodbye, and went to tell my grandma everything. 

About six years ago, I went back to Mexico with my family.  I remember walking over to that same spot that I sat with my grandma and then I walked into one of the streets where I played with those kids.  Everything was so different.  I didn't have my grandma to talk to or to just sit in silence with her.  I never saw those kids again.  Back then everything seemed so simple as a child.  Now that I look at it, nothing is the same.  It's sad how time is always measured the same.  We always go throught the same months, the same seasonal cycles, the same days of the week, but nothing else stays the same.  People leave, places get older, the world suffers more and more everyday, and as I grow older I realize these things.  I wish I could stay that child that I once was.  I wish I could see my grandma again. I just know the older I get, so does everyone else.  And when that happens, people change, but that's a whole new subject for another blog. 

I miss you.

Dreams

I'm not really sure why I have decided to keep posting songs on my blog.  I guess it's the comfort of this song that makes me post this.  I've loved this song as a child and today it still remains one of my all time favorite songs.  I love the beat, the lyrics, and just memories it brings to me.  I always feel connected to my dad when I hear this song because he was the one that introduced this song to me as a child.  Since then, it's something we have in common.  I'm not saying that's the only thing.  This is just one thing that I can remember farthest in my childhood. 

I won't really get into what this song is saying because it has no relevance to the reason why I like this song.  I'm not sure if that makes sense.  I'm not even sure there is a point to this post.  

Another Rainy Day

Why am I so shy around you?...The other day it rained and I thought about this song because of how peaceful this song is to me.  Not only does the rain have a strange way of calming me down, but it makes my inner thoughts really profound.  I think about the past and the present.  I think of how my life has changed in so many ways, good and bad.  This particular day it rained, I had no umbrella.  It didn't bother me, but it just made my mind wander blissfully.  It's remarkable how the rain, for me, can heal a broken heart and provide an escape that only the person experiencing it can feel.  It used to be about being with a significant other and wanting to stay indoors with the sound of rain, but that is only for relaxation.  I needed a blessing and this was an unusual gift that I've been given by God.  Am I taking this "rain" to a differnt level? I can't answer that, I can only answer for myself. 

Life is about acting passionately about something and being happy.  Everything happens for a reason and I know that if I continue to be positive, the only direction I can go is forward.  Sometimes we as humans believe our decisions are wrong, but I no longer think that way.  Every decision is because we have a gut feeling for it.  I know. I experienced it not too long ago.  So far, I am content with it and am looking forward for each and everyday, which gets me into "Why am I so shy around you?"  This woman Corrine Bailey Rays sings about a beautiful innocense of love for someone.  It's the feeling when you first meet this special person who is lovely inside and out.  It's when you smile at the sound of their name, get so nervous when knowing you will see them, and get so anxious for the next time to see them again.  Love for someone else alone cannot make your life, it has to be about you, but it can be quite a journey and have a positive impact on it.  This person who randomly stepped into your life is there for a reason. 

The only question for some is, do they know how you feel about them?  Are the feelings mutual?  Love is a strange thing that happens through a deeper connection than similarities and looks.  It's that "gut feeling," and only you can know what's right.